# tumblr

Tumblr posts

## patchpaws:kitchenwitchupinthisbitch:pandariousgooch:i never…

i never realized cuneiform was made with the corner of a cuboid tool, i thought the wedge shapes were carved such that you would press straight down with the tool at a 90° angle to the clay

Wow! My mind is super into this new information

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/695612801493975040

## nullrend 2022-09-03 13:24:25

and then they proceeded to be the worst at their jobs for the next 20 years

No no, you don’t get it. Jesse and James are the absolute best there is at their jobs, but they have no idea what their jobs are.

They think that they’re thieves, agents of an elite criminal group led by Giovanni, stealing rare pokemon and advanced technology and such. And there might have been a time this actually was their jobs. In the first season or two, they frequently get angry phone calls about how they’ve fucked everything up, or get their expense account cut off because they have literally never turned a profit on their criminal enterprises and constantly procure and then lose/destroy expensive and elaborate devices.

But then the world came within a hair’s breadth of being destroyed, several times, and Jesse, James, and their weird cat rescued everybody. As terrible as they’ve always been at criminal endeavors of any kind, when the apocalypse approaches and they’re forced to step up, they’re really fucking good at saving the day.

And Giovanni is over here like… if the planet is destroyed, or time/space becomes unrecognizable, or civilization collapses, there’s no way for me to run a profitable criminal enterprise anymore. I need this planet, because it’s where I keep all my stuff. And I don’t pretend to understand the why of it, but these couple of bumbling nutcases that I should have fired years ago seem to be an important component of that? Somehow? So you gotta stop thinking about them in terms of acquisitions and start considering them… loss prevention. As in, even if you waste a million dollars a month on giant cat-faced robots and a vast array of fancy ball gowns and they never turn a profit, they are preventing all of your assets from going away at the same time because of something you can’t do anything about.

And that’s the great secret behind Team Rocket. These guys aren’t thieves, they’re professional superheroes (sponsored by organized crime). Of course, nobody ever bothered to tell them that.

“To protect the world from devastation…”

Plus, as is frequently pointed out: Jesse and James are good at every other job EXCEPT Team Rocket. They’re actually smart businesspeople and run successful food and merchandise stands and are great salespeople.

Hell, even in Team Rocket situations where they’re not chasing after Pikachu they’ve done better.

It’s just their Achilles Heel is one damn OP rodent.

Pikachu Proximity Intelligence Chart

pretty sure giovanni keeps them on so he can commit insurance fraud by giving them tech insured for way more than what was paid for it so when it inevitably gets destroyed he gets a nice check.

I’m accepting all of these responses actually

J&J (& Meowth) are field testers, catspaws and urban legend verifiers.

Bruce Wayne nominally owns Wayne Enterprises, but it is Batman that gets to make use of a vast amount of profits in his quests (alone and with the Justice League). But some how Wayne Enterprises still has money left. Same thing happens with Lex Luthor and LexCorp.

Jesse & James flip this; they own Team Rocket, with their secret identities are the ones owning the enterprise while their public identities are the ones we see chasing after Pikachu and getting complained about by Giovanni about how they’re draining profits. However, J&J are so good at everything else thta Team Rocket is still a profitable
criminal enterprise.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/694397924120084480

## nullrend 2022-08-22 23:00:17

ok here’s one

Super strong when he needs to be (?)

SO! TRUE!

WAIT

Has identical nephews with rhyming names!

unlocking a conspiracy they’re actually the same character

Donald is Popeye’s fursona

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/693346990736719872

## nullrend 2022-08-03 10:38:30

me when we start eating billionaires and i have to kill gomez addams

Gomez and Morticia, telling us where they store the spare guillotines so we can go after Jeff Bezos after we finish with them.

Look, I know we don’t want to admit that our heroes can be flawed, but this isn’t just people baselessly picking a rich person and saying they’re a billionaire.

Don’t hold back. Gomez will respect the revolutionary fire burning in your heart!

The Addams would bring the guillotines for the other billionaires, give away literally all their money and then still ASK for executions because it’s been so long since they had a good beheading in the family

honestly, you’d break his heart if you said you WEREN’T planning on sticking his head in a guillotine. morticia, too. they’d be upset at the special treatment, too, but mostly they really want to be executed gruesomely as they stare lovingly into each other’s eyes as their heads are separated from their bodies, and we need to respect that.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/691578979548823552

## nullrend 2022-08-02 22:56:21

Me: *Walks by a smoker*

Me:

Imagine having lungs that can’t deal with some smoke

Imagine smelling like shit literally all the time

I thought you guys were talking about like… a meat smoker. Like a large grill for meats. I was so concerned as to why everyone in the comments was so up in arms at people having a BBQ that I forgot cigarettes were even a thing.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/691534803613466624

## nullrend 2022-07-23 20:28:25

movie vs book (i adore them both)

How could you leave this in the notes, excellent addition

Actually, this makes the childification of Michael in the movie when he’s 15 in the book really funny:

Sophie, a 20-ish year old woman from a fantasy land where getting married at 16 or 17 does not seem to be unusual: Yes, this is a young man who is almost an adult.

Howl, a man in his late 20s from our world: This is a BABY and he does BABY things.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/690619527098204160

:

# THE NEXT AVATAR ABOUT TO LOOK FINE AFFFFFF

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,

asdkldsjf that last bit

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/688105309737189376

:

# THE NEXT AVATAR ABOUT TO LOOK FINE AFFFFFF

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,

asdkldsjf that last bit

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/687592060292841472

## “The whole episode has been strange for his three children, especially his 14-year-old son, who is…”

“The whole episode has been strange for his three children, especially his 14-year-old son, who is big into TikTok. “‘Why is my dad, the most cringe guy in the universe, everywhere on TikTok?’” Mr. Theroux said, giving voice to his son’s reaction.”

Oh sweet summer child. The day will come you will be cringe too.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/687494330432323584

## Hey now, you’re an all star

listen to what I orchestrated

THIS IS FUKING AMAZING WHY CANT I SPREAD THIS EVERYWHERE I WANNA SHOW IT TO EVERYONE. LITERAL GOOSEBUMPS

composer IN progress????

NO, YOU ARE READY FOR THE WORLD. IN FACT, THE WORLD IS NOT READY FOR YOU

Have fun

Compose is an all-star.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/687286028181127168

## endbittersweet: a friend of mine tried to sell his soul on ebay and the starter price was $10 and… a friend of mine tried to sell his soul on ebay and the starter price was$10 and people were bidding on it but before anything happened ebay took it down and sent him an email explaining that if he was selling a soul that didn’t actually exist then it was against their policy and if he was selling a real soul then that is a human body part and it is also against their policy

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/685561309455155200

## msvelawciraptor: bemusedlybespectacled:bemusedlybespectacled: takiki16: bemusedlybespectacled: tak…

I am not talking something like Suits, because in Suits a lot of the comedy is derived from hijinks and wisecracking. nor am I talking about something like Boston Legal with the whole bunny-ears lawyer thing providing a lot of the jokes.

oh no. I mean stuff like “oh god what even is a pleading anyway I never did this in law school” and “please lord just let me wipe the smirk off of opposing counsel’s face” and “damnit patricia WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU NOT TO DO FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR CASE AND ALSO MY SANITY?”

I would Fite and Dye for a Brooklyn Nine-Nine style comedy about public defenders instead of cops.

ALL the satire about the System.  ALL the frantic dashing between departments – it becomes a running joke that the protagonists can’t speak to each other when morning arraignments are happening, they have to dash past each other at full speed exchanging increasingly comedic shorthand.  ALL of the Weird Cases that come up when you just have to stick your head out of the office door and shout BOB, the HORSE guy is back and they DENIED MY MOTION to allow the chihuaha in the courtroom!

I mean, this show wouldn’t even need to hire writers to make it bizarre, submissions from counties all over the country would just start pouring in.

and so much salt.  SO much salt.  One of the protagonists shows up with the client’s actual literal priest and fifteen eyewitnesses and the DA still refuses to dismiss.

YES PLEASE THIS, and also with a dash of like, you know how in Parks and Rec, the townspeople are just Like That? like the lady who gets upset because she drank the sprinkler water despite the sign saying not to? like That, but clients

“why did you violate the protective order against you?”
“because my girlfriend called me and it made me upset, so I went to her house and punched her in the face and then kicked her dog. what was I supposed to do?”
“NOT THAT! especially after I told you not to violate the protective order. no, actually, let me rephrase: I didn’t tell you not to violate the protective order, the judge told you not to violate the protective order because of that bit in there that says ‘if you violate this order, you go to FUCKING JAIL’.”
“wow, you just don’t get how hard it is to not punch people in the face.”
“oh, believe me, I am intimately and immediately familiar with that struggle.”

YESSSSSSS YES YES YES.  the spirit of sprinkler lady is an eternal struggle and embodies exactly what I neeeeeed:

An ongoing list of recurring Client characters in [as yet unnamed Public Interest Law Show]:

• In One Ear, Out The Other (alternatively: I Showed Up To My Drug DUI Arraignment In A Bong T-shirt)
• the Sovereign Citizen (no, you actually don’t have a fundamental right to do that, and the cops Will GET YOU)
• the Better Lawyer Than You (because Google is totally the same as a J.D., right?)
• the Flirt (you’re literally in an orange jumpsuit behind glass for violating a restraining order, please STOP)
• Your Anger Is Reasonable, But That Doesn’t Make You Any Easier To Deal With (please stop screaming, or the front desk will call security on us again)
• The Scary One (please understand that when I smile, I’m trying to be friendly and professional and I am NOT laughing at you)
• The Heartbreaker (catchall client for the ones who are getting screwed over repeatedly by the system but your office isn’t resourced/designed/allowed to give them the help they need)

An ongoing list of recurring Opposing Counsel characters:

• Tired Old White Man In Wrinkled Suit (bonus wild tie)
• Tired Old Person Who Still Finds Time To Be Demeaning To You (tries for parental vibe, actually is condescending)
• That One Kid You Hated In Law School (got the internship the same time you did.  This is a three-episode arc for one of the protags)
• Rich Whippersnapper Who Looks Down On Poors (dresses better than you, never quite makes eye contact)

I feel the Better Lawyer Than You Client in my soul. and just to add to the Opposing Counsel Cast List:

• How Did You Get This Job When You’re So Bad At It (with bonus Imposter Syndrome on the order of “if they’re that bad and still have a job, I must also be that bad”)
• The For-Profit Lawyers (swans into court whenever they want, files whatever they want, constantly and undeservedly smug. bonus points if they’re from The City)
• The Fool for A Client (says they’re going to represent themselves, proceeds to look stupid in front of the judge and everyone else, and you, protagonist, have to try to negotiate with them like a reasonable person)

also, there is a running gag that we only ever see one court clerk (whose name is Brenda), but she is played by a different actress wearing the same costume and hairstyle every time we see her (sometimes switching actresses inexplicably between shots).

this blew up a little bit and I’m getting two different responses:

1. “actually this is exactly like [other legal media property]”

2. “I AM A LAWYER. I HAVE WAITED NINE MILLION YEARS TO SPILL ALL OF THE FUCKING TEA AND MY MOMENT HAS COME.”

I want the title of this series to be my *favorite* client title for us…

# Public Pretender

Coming this fall

Supporting cast for the protagonist cast:

The Bartender: The wisest person in the show, somehow he’s on first-name basis with all the judges and knows what’s going on in the prosecutor teams somehow.

The Delivery Guys: From the closest pizza joints and subway shop, they pop in an out of the office at random times, will give rides to the protagonist cast.

The cat: Nobody knows where it came from, will try to maul cops wandering in from the street. Always shows up when someone is sad.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/684898509669924864

## clusterduck28: madhyanas:cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a…

cannot stress enough the importance of having a bucket in your house. a big plastic bucket. helps with housework. helps with morale. get yourself a bucket today

I do not have a bucket and this makes me more sad than the inexorable passage of time in an universe almost hostile in its indifference to life.

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/681933996281708544

## nullrend 2022-04-07 03:33:38

Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.”

Mary Shelley said, “I can make him

https://nullrend.tumblr.com/post/680861807659892736

## nullrend 2022-03-28 10:08:56

This is a genre of content that I love. There’s one where a woman throws trash back into a guy’s car and keeps walking, and when he starts to get out of the car, a guy walking with a girl in the opposite direction slams the driver’s door shut and does the same finger wagging thing. I could watch these all day.

Found it

There’s one of a little boy doing the same, and his dad just, donkey kicks the door closed when the dude tries to get out of the car. WHILE PUSHING A BABY STROLLER!