Global opportunities

I’m following – with not much interest, I admit – the tale of the global battery recall by Sony and all those horror stories of smoking laptops or begin spontaneus combustion.

Just like many think (and say) this is an epidemic.

I began to think why something like this could be happening. Sony says it’s cause by microscopic particles that get in the battery during the manufacturing process, and it the long term can cause a short-circuit. Sony also says the epidemic is merely an exaggeration. The company has had a hard time lately with the PS3 over US$400 and those damn rootkits on music cds.

This is where I made the connection batteries – DRM.

Sony now has the opportunity it has been waiting for years. It’s unique:

Sony could use its batteries as an ultra effective DRM method.

Here’s an example: When someone downloads a file ilegally, a memory-resident DRM monitor would detect the illegality of the file. Such a program would be a legal variation of the one that it put on music cds.

It might have problems with those people that begin to poke stuff they should not but they’re easy to shut up. Just lawsuit them senseless.

Going back to the computer… the DRM monitor detects the file and warns the user if he keeps on doing such illegal stuff it will send his/her data to the RIAA as evidence of wrongdoing for a future lawsuit. To avoid doing so it would give the user two options:

  1. Settle the issue by giving a monetary compensation of x amount.
  2. Send us your data if you do not want to pay

If the user closes, terminates or kills the program manually, the monitor will assume the user is a pirate that seeks to end the industry as we know it and would eat the neighbor’s dog to achieve that purpose. This is where the batteries enter the process. When the DRM determines this it would send a signal to a Sony/RIAA server. The server would answer with a signal to begin the destruction of those illegal files by way of destroying the physical medium the’re stored in.

The user would be given a timer to make a decision between the options mentioned above and amend the damages caused by the crime. If the user does not do this the DRM would beging a final countdown. When it finishes, a short is caused on the battery, the battery begins to smoke and the computer goes up in flames. Merely smoking the laptop would not be enough.

Voila. Total destruction of the offending files. Copyright and the company’s bottom line have been safeguarded and a criminal has received punishment. The computer was destroyed? No matter! A criminal user deserves this and more. The very last thing the DRM monitor did was send the user’s data to Sony/RIAA for further action.

Just like I said… this is a great opportunity for Sony that it shouldn’t let escape. It’s the golden solution for those who worry about author’s rights and the corresponding pay of those rights.

Just in case… this post is obviously a joke. DRM is a Bad Thing™ and is causing many many conflicts. Sony took far too long to acknowledge the issues and it’s fucking everything with its DRM. In the US it supposedly recalled those cds infected with the rootkit, but here in Mexico it’s a completely different story.